Our date was going great until they chewed with their mouth open.

Said I was low maintenance. Ordered three desserts. Honesty is optional.

Date suggested we split the bill. Then ordered the lobster.

Fancy restaurant first date: tiny food, huge regrets.

They said they're 'not like other people'. Correct, they're worse at texting.

First date checklist: escape plan, backup excuse, snacks.

They ghosted me so hard I had to call a paranormal investigator.