Some people are a whole notification I didn't opt into.

The vending machine kept my dollar. We are now enemies for life.

I count to ten now. Then I count to ten again in a meaner voice.

Some days I'm sunshine. Today I'm a thunderstorm with a to-do list.

I don't have anger issues. I have people issues with anger features.

My patience has a loading bar and it's buffering forever.

I asked for one thing. The universe sent a progress bar.