My dog runs a sock theft ring and I'm an accomplice.

The dog's face says 'innocent'. The feathers say 'lawyer up'.

I pay the rent. The cat owns the apartment.

Talked to my plants today. They're better listeners than most people.

Bath day? Dog chose chaos and mud.

My dog thinks the mail carrier is a supervillain.

My cat knocked it over, made eye contact, then knocked over another one for emphasis.