Swiped so much my thumb filed for workers' comp.

Said I was low maintenance. Ordered three desserts. Honesty is optional.

Date suggested we split the bill. Then ordered the lobster.

Our date was going great until they chewed with their mouth open.

Fancy restaurant first date: tiny food, huge regrets.

They said they're 'not like other people'. Correct, they're worse at texting.

First date checklist: escape plan, backup excuse, snacks.